So we all went to bed around 9:30. Yeah, 9:30. Yesterday was kind of a day, not just mine, all of ours. We were tired, stressed, the weight of the world was on our shoulders and all that. Not necessarily the girls per say, at least the weight of the world and all, but the tired thing was all around.
So when the girls got ready for bed so did we. We all fell asleep and then around midnight I woke back up. It was funny really, I woke up pretty refreshed for 2 and 1/2 hours of sleep. I then of course couldn't go back to sleep so I ended up on the couch eating dry Lucky Charms, my breathe right strip still on (I've ran Dennis out of bed most of the week with snoring) watching Felicity on Hulu.
I never really watched the show when it was on in...mid nineties? Early 2000? I didn't watch it when I should have had more in common with the characters. I have to say though, I really like it. The melancholy dramatics of the first years of a liberal arts college during the age of alternative rock. Totally me. The thing I like best is, I think, the sense of discovery. Everything new, all the possibilities. It was refreshing, rejuvenating in a way.
The really strange part of watching it at this age is that I can identify with the Felicity character as well as her parents. It makes me remember that the me that I had this notion I "was" is actually "still" me, that I'm essentially the same underneath all the extra years and responsibilities and worries of adulthood.
What does all that mean? I don't know really. It just made me feel this kind of hopeful happiness and kinda like the weight of the world might just lighten a little. Like maybe being a bit of the melancholy, alternative rock loving, slightly flakey, artsy dreamer of my youth wouldn't tilt my universe of all the things I'm supposed to be doing. And maybe stepping off the path of all the things that I thought were already long ago determined wouldn't mean I'm shirking all my duties and leading my daughters down a road of lifelong wandering.
All that from a forty minute show and corn syrup sweetened stars, hearts and moons. Yeah a little too deep for TV in the dark. All the same I think I needed the reminder. That said I really do need to go back to bed, yeah I'm typing this at 1 a.m. So that's what I'm going to do, I'll leave you with the image of a bit of that artsy person I was and am. This is the gourd I'm carving that keeps calling to me from its window, just like the me that was and is.