Oatmeal Baths With Syrup, and Growing Pains

Parenthood doesn't allow for time out.  I sincerely wish it would allow for naps though.  I've never been able to stay up late,  just ask my college roommate Karis. I was in bed by 11 at the latest no matter what. Becoming middle aged and dealing with the odd hours of being a parent hasn't helped that much.  Throw in the fact that it's dark by a little after 5 and I'm ready for bed by 7.

Yesterday's 3 a.m. bed time did not make my 6 a.m. wake up call at all good.  Today doesn't seem to be much better in that department.  I think there ought to be a rule that we get at least a day or two each month between October and March to just hibernate.

Update on Tori,  after resting for the day at home with Dennis,  she was still incredibly tired last night even though she slept till 1 in the afternoon.  Still itchy a bit too. In case you ever wondered about oatmeal baths they really work.  She asked to take one again before bed last night.  Gabs suggested that she should add some syrup to her bath as well so at least it would taste good too.

Gabs herself isn't feeling great either I think.  She's going through a growth spurt of late and has joint pain.  It's funny but I don't remember having many "growing pains" as a kid, at least physical ones...Granted there were those middle school years of mental anguish lol.

Anyhow it's still dark outside and I would love to go back to bed but school and work are waiting.  Time to roll everyone out of bed. Hope everyone has a happy although somewhat dark and rainy day I think.

I'll leave you with this photo of the girls enjoying the large quantities of bubble wrap from the new tree!

"Our Forever Tree" or "THE PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE "

A bit of an intro:

I actually was cheating a bit and wrote the latter part of this last night with plans to read back over it this morning.  I'm writing this part from the ER with Tori who had a severe allergic reaction to her antibiotic. Just hours after I wrote the other.  She's fine and actually resting well now after an epi shot, steroid and more benadryl.  Just so crazy to me how the world can flip from laughing about a tree to worrying about your child in a matter of minutes.  I guess that makes the rest of this all that more important.  Cherish all the little silly moments, all the moments really, we are blessed to have them.  Sorry to lead in so sadly to such an otherwise funny story.  Felt it important to say that though. _______________________________________

In the beginning of our relationship if you had met me or Dennis you would never suspect that I would end up being the realist of the couple.  I was an art major in the early nineties, during the time of grunge and alternative rock.  I wore combat boots, granny dresses and toyed with the idea of joining Green Peace. I was a bit on the flighty side and Dennis had his two feet planted firmly in reality.  He was no nonsense and had his priorities set. He worked close to 40 hours a week, helped on the family farm and did a full course load in college. He knew he'd go to Saint Catharine College for two years then transfer to U.K. and finish up with a degree in Horticulture and that ultimately he'd be a Horticulture Agent for U.K.'s Cooperative Extension service. He didn't have time to stray from the plan and logic always ruled.

I worked as well and also had a full course load but I changed my mind weekly on where I'd transfer to after S.C.C. starting with San Francisco,  then to Colorado where I planned to live in a cabin in the mountains as a full time artist,  then Savannah, Georgia and finally realizing I didn't want to be so far from him I transferred to U.K. right along side Dennis. And ended up majoring in English.

Fast forward twenty years and Dennis, the man with the plan, is just where he planned to be, working for U.K. as a Horticulture Cooperative Extension Agent.  Me, the artist turned English major,  I'm a librarian.  But while he is where he planned to be I'm much more focused now and he's probably one of the biggest kids at heart that you'll ever meet.  These days he's the one with "big" ideas and I'm the one interjecting with all the "what ifs" and "how will we" questions.  That fact is probably no more evident than it is at Christmas time.

We've wanted,  not necessarily needed, a new Christmas tree for a few years now.  Every Christmas we go back and forth.  Dennis wanted a real tree and I didn't want to waste money on something that will dry up fast and leave me sweeping up needles every day of the holidays.  Not to mention it seems wrong to kill a tree. Dennis reasoned we could wait till closer to Christmas and get one we could plant but again if we're buying it I want to enjoy it for more than a week. 

Then there's our long time debate over clear versus colored lights.  I want clear because they seem a little more classic and he wants colored...that flash and twinkle as the tree spins. Yeah.  We've definitely switched roles!

This year as Thanksgiving Day came and went we went back to our tree discussion and finally decided we were going to bite the bullet and upgrade our tiny Wally World special to a bit more grown up version.  So this Saturday we set out to Wally World once again where after over an hour of looking and comparing,  calling other Wally Worlds to see if they had models we liked, discussing, trying lights,  watching trees twinkle and spin, we finally left with...nothing. We also left hangry,  yes it's a real thing,  and grumpy and Dennis left with a new mission in life.  To find "THE PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE".  It was not exactly a peaceful nor silent night. 

Now while Dennis has taken on the more whimsical role in our relationship he still gets pretty goal orientated about things and if he gets interested in something, like chickens,  or bees, or the mission to find "THE PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE" he will not rest until he has researched completely the topic at hand and has gotten exactly what he wants. Saturday night, flashing light,  twirling tree loving Dennis got online and Googled and compared and contrasted all his options local and far until he knew what he would do.

So come Sunday morning after church we piled in the van and headed to Campbellsville and Lowes.  Once there we were accosted by Christmas lights, inflatables and yes TREES. 

Now perhaps I should interject here that Dennis has a favorite Christmas movie, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  I think maybe that should have clued me in that while focused and logical in his youth there was an underlying part of his personality that strayed to the fantastical and perhaps not exactly realistic.  Which brings me to the scene at Lowes.

Remember that moment in the National Lampoons movie where Clark has brought his family far into the woods where, choirs of angels singing and spotlights focused,  he spies "THE PERFECT GRISWOLD FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE"? Yeah,  I liken that moment in Lowes to that one.

For while we circled the trees comparing sizes and prices of floor models to Internet research on our phones a moment came where I swear to you I'm almost certain my husband heard, within his mind, Martina McBride singing "Oh Holy Night. " For low and behold there it was.  "THE PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE."

It stood 7 and 1/2 feet tall and not only did it have realistic branches, and was of course pre lit, you also had the option of not only white lights but color too and the factor to beat all others...the ability to have the tree switch between the two color options on its own.  Green,  red and blue back to classic white in an ongoing fluctuation of Christmas tree magic that all the world would envy.  It was also about three times the cost of the Wally World special we had at home. Thus came the interjections of my cold blanket realism to debate the logic of making such a purchase. 

So the dance began again.  The sway back and forth between the necessity of childhood fantasies being fulfilled and the desire to remain within budget despite the fact that I knew my husband had already found his tree. Once again we left empty handed and set out to be realistic and compare the options at the Campbellsville Wally World where of course no other trees could compare. Where we passed by another couple comparing decorations and overheard the wife ask the husband, "Which do you like?" And then upon the husband pointing and answering that he, like my own husband, preferred the bright colors, she replied, "ummmm no." Where we would also leave empty handed and make a pit stop for flame broiled burgers and fries to keep "hangriness" at bay for fear our mission would be lost again.

Then back we went to Lowes where the real battle of wits was about to unfold. 

I saw a tree that was the realists option.  Pre lit,  6 feet, white lights,  life like greenery and about 70 bucks cheaper.  But not "THE PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE". As we circled again coming to stop before the "one true tree" Dennis began his Patton like Christmas tree speech. 

"The way I see it," he began,  "this is our forever tree. This is an investment.  Yes it's more expensive but it's a tree that should last us a lifetime.  We shouldn't have to buy another one after this. And yes I love the light options but honestly,  this is the tree the girls really want."  The girls, of course, gave their Daddy full support with their patented, we are just cute, innocent little girls, with dreams of Christmas joy, wide eyed looks. "Look at them," he concluded, " they really want it."

And so that is how it came to be that we bought "our forever tree" "THE PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE".   My long timed pushed down flighty artistic side broke free to join Dennis on the side of non realism and we loaded it, precariously, into the buggy,  wheeled it up front to pay for it and rolled it outside where we stood to contemplate the fact that perhaps the choice to bring the van to cart a 7 and 1/2 foot tree home may not have been the best decision.

So once again we created a scene from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and while we didn't strap it to the roof we were most definitely creative in our placement of it inside the van. We drove home with the sense of holiday joy in our hearts singing Christmas songs,  like our favorite "Walking 'round In Womens Underwear" where Dennis finally learned, after years of miss sung lyrics,  that they didn't build a snowman to call him, "parse and brown". Once home we rejoiced in the fact that our tree came packed in large quantities of bubble wrap and stood back in wonder as all 7 and 1/2 feet were placed under our 8  foot tall ceilings. 

Yes.  It truly is our "Forever and PERFECT MORGESON FAMILY CHRISTMAS TREE. " It's also proof that heartfelt flights of fancy will no doubt always win out over my newfound sense of logic and responsibility. And I have to admit it really is pretty "PERFECT" to see my husband and children gaze happily at the tree with the angel whose head grazes the ceiling and hear Dennis proclaim, "it really is a pretty tree!" as we watch the lights flash from classic white to tack....err whimsical colors.

Not Ready to Rise

My head is stuffy
my bones seem to ache.
The first words of morning
I'm not ready to take.
The sun, it too,
has hidden away.
We aren't ready to rise,
no not today.
The rooster is crowing,
only he is awake.
The hens and I all
just need a break.
It's Sunday they call,
we're not ready to scratch,
back to the roost bar for us,
we've nothing to hatch.
There's laundry to be done
but it's wet outside.
The clothes line must stay empty,
I have an excuse to hide.
My bed is still warm,
my family's asleep,
I can go there myself,
if down the hall I shall creep.
Quiet, so quiet,
the steps I must take,
I'm just not ready to rise,
for goodness sake.

Leftovers and Life Plans

I'm obviously a self proclaimed foodie. I like to cook.  I like to eat.  I'm a chubby girl from way back and will no doubt continue being one for all my days because of those two things.

My Thanksgiving traditions center a lot on food.  It's a time to get together with family yes but we are most definitely going to be eating when we get there.

Food "culture" and traditions fascinate me. Food is a huge part of the reason for why we do what we do and a driving force behind how history was shaped.  Geesh,  just think of all that came to be because we wanted a little extra spice for our food!

I actually had two folklore courses in college at U.K. under the great professor Dr. Alvey. The study of food was one my favorite parts of the classes.  For the first class my semester project was even centered on stack pies and I turned in a stack pie with my paper...got an A I'm happy to say.  In retrospect I can see that perhaps my degree and career path should have taken the culinary fork in the road but in all truth I truly didn't know how deeply passionate I would become about food.  That was at the dawn of the foodie phenomenon anyhow.

So while I am not chef or master Baker I am a home cook. I will always be baking and making something in the kitchen.  It's as much a part of me as my love for writing, art and the other things that make up me.

I've been thinking about it lately.  Where I'm going,  what I'm doing,  my goal and role in it all. I've decided in a way my life has come to be sort of a big planned family dinner.  I started out with recipes and seating charts. I work to follow the menu that I think I can't stray from but I'm only just realizing that a plan is just an idea or notion that is a good guide but ultimately doesn't have to be the be all end all of who I am. 

Along the way I'll run out of ingredients and when I don't have time to run out for more I'll compromise,  get creative and make do with what I have on hand.  The recipes will change accordingly and rather than cry over not making what I intended to make I can rejoice in the fact that I may just have created some new culinary masterpiece or even better a family favorite. 

When it's all said and done I get to enjoy the best parts. I get to see the happy faces of those I cook for and later I have something almost better than the meal itself...leftovers!   Because leftovers are sort of like the sweet memories from all those meals. When the day is done or perhaps beginning anew I can sit for a moment alone with a slice of pie and coffee for breakfast and ponder all the things that makeup the family dinner we call life.  I think we are where we are and are where we should be because of each and every choice we make.  That said I wouldn't change a thing. 

One different choice and my life would be completely different and I wouldn't have the three people I love most sleeping in the other part of the house right now. I wouldn't be sitting on the edge of the couch pecking away and able to see the vanilla tinged sunrise as it begins it's daily path to wrap its cream colored clouds 'round the house and world.

I still have more Thanksgiving today, in the form of a meal and just a whole lot to be thankful for.  So good morning everyone here's hoping your Thanksgiving was a good one and that you all have leftovers to enjoy as well!

P.S. Here's a picture of Gabs holding her favorite leftovers,  turkey dumplings.  She wouldn't smile for the photo but rather wanted everyone to know that the jar was all hers and she didn't plan to share them...granted I did sneak a few bites myself last night.  Don't tell her though,  she might just get me for it.

"Honestly" Thankful

I wish I had some words of wisdom,  some poetic way to encompass the day and put a spotlight on what makes the day important and special. I don't though.  Each of us finds our own meaning in a celebration.  We have our own customs that make it special to us.  I don't think that you can force people to find enlightenment and a newly refreshed happiness in life merely because a grid of numbers on the wall tells them that today is the designated day for them to focus on and give thanks for what they have.

I have been embracing honesty of late and while I will take pause to recognize all that I have to be grateful for and that I have that many don't I also must put highlight on the fact that this day can bring a lot of stress,  unhappiness and might just be a burden for some.

I think perhaps in the beginning the holidays were set forth with truly the best of intentions.  They were days that people should take pause to be with family and friends to share a meal and enjoy a few hours when we could slow down and not feel the weight of winters more darkened days. I don't in any way think the day resembles what the story of the first Thanksgiving says it was all about.  Even back then there were stressed out people who worried about having enough food to make it through the winter and hope to get them through to spring.  The pilgrims and native Americans in our minds have become stereotypes and almost cartoon like. 

The fact is many will work today.  Many are alone.  Many don't have enough to eat. Many are saddened.  Many have stress.  Many are tired and want to rest but commercialism and expectations from society, necessity, are telling them that they are some how wrong for feeling all that.

I wish we could give each other some slack. Give each other a break.  I wish we'd stop telling one another that you must do this, bake this, buy that in order to be one of "us" during the holidays. We need to start seeing the real people around us. And not just on specific days that have been set aside to do it.

I am not meaning to darken the moment but I feel it's important to say all this.  While for many today is a break from work and time to be with family it's another day of hard work and perhaps heightened sense of being alone for others. 

We all aren't given the day off. And even if we are some see it as a loss to their bank accounts and begrudge having to give their fellow people a chance to break from the mad dash. Many are viewing this day as the day to get ready for the most profitable day of their year. Their employees won't be breaking to be with family they'll instead be working overtime to stock shelves so people can fight for a few dollars difference in a price.

I hope everyone can remember that fact.  Today, yes, be thankful for all you have.  But recognize that others may not have it as well.  Show your gratitude by spreading kindness,  understanding and by not feeding into the stress of the world about you. Make a conscious effort to smile at even strangers and to remember that you never truly know what worries someone may have. Let your Thankfulness be more about the feeling and finding and sharing peace.

That said I wish you all a day of plenty and fulfillment.  I wish for you to find a day of calm in the storm. I wish for you happiness and a sense of contentment, to feel connected even if you are spending the day alone. I am Thankful for all I have and I'm going to be honestly thankful by not taking for granted that many don't have the same.

A Moment of Pre Christmas Cuteness

I am not feeling too well this morning but I'm determined that rain or shine or zombie apocalypse, which is what I'm leaning towards right now,  I will blog at least a few words no matter what.  Like I said, awhile back, building the habit is the key I think.

So for today, in honor of Thanksgiving tomorrow and the fact that I want to offer up something happy to see on your news feed instead of all the sad and fear inducing surrounding us of late, please enjoy these Christmas photos of my girls from five years ago.  Of course I am biased but I think they were and are still pretty darn cute.

A little back story.  This was the year that they both discovered "As seen on TV" items.  They each asked Santa for snuggies, wigs, pillow pets and Tori asked for the brownie pan only to later remove it from her list when she realized that it would only give her brownies with crusty edges and she nor Gabs will eat a brownie with an edge on it. We're still waiting for someone to invent the crustless brownie pan!

Anyhow without further ado I give you  your daily cuteness break.  I wish you all at least one moment of laughter,  warmth and shared kindness in a world that we seem to keep forgetting that we're all in this together and we need to start treating each other more like friends instead of enemies.  Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

Pancakes For One

Don't you hate it when you wake up 30 minutes before you actually have to get up? Even worse is that you had just went back to bed before that because you'd already woke up like an hour and a half before you actually had to get up.  Yeah so that happened.

So I decided to make myself pancakes and sit on the couch feeling sorry for myself.  I know that you're thinking,  "crappy mom making pancakes just for herself. " It ain't the case though.  For all their sugar consumption my family doesn't care for pancakes.  On occasion Dennis will eat a couple but the girls will look at me like I'm crazy if I offer them some.  It's just not natural in my opinion. 

So I'm taking a note from the guy who sits somewhere on the edge of a pier drinking beer and instead I'm sitting here on the edge of the couch eating chocolate chip,  bacon pancakes.  Yes,  chocolate chip and bacon. That's happening too.  My new motto seems to be becoming,  "don't judge. "

I'm planning in my head what I need to get done for Thanksgiving at least so I'm being a little productive.  There's a pile of towels sitting next to me that need folding,  clothes in the dryer that need turning back on at least twice more before I will get them hung up.  I have to make a grocery list...dang free loading chickens still aren't laying.  The older ones have hit the phase where they won't lay in the colder months and the younger birds haven't started laying yet at all. I'm hoping once they settle into their new house they'll take it up in time for Christmas.  There's baking to be done after all!

All the same I'll be buying eggs this week though.  It's pie season.  At least 3 or four this week.  Just have to figure out what kind for each place we are going. 

Then I need to dust and vacuum too. Got to get the house ready because the girls are expecting their elf on the shelf to visit right after Thanksgiving and stay through Christmas.  Can't have her reporting back to Santa that we live in a pig sty.

I need to make a to do list.  But first I'd better wake everyone up or else we're going to be late for the last day of school this week! 

My Best Friend

My best friend sleeps beside me every night. He snores occasionally,  but he says I do too. He has an obsessive personality and is passionate about everything and one he finds interest in.

Our way of life doesn't seem normal to some.  He cooks dinner most nights not just because he's a good man but because he's a great person who doesn't see me as just a gender or put our relationship into the roles and restrictions that many do. He shares the blessing and trials of parenting with me equally.  He has my back in everything I do. He listens to my worries,  picks me up over and over again when I hit bottom and doesn't hesitate to tell me he loves me even when I know how hard that might be at times.

My best friend leads a crazy life with me. He has too little time for himself and too little alone time with me. He works too hard but doesn't complain.  He doesn't get to be all the person he can and wants to be because he wants to make sure he's there for me and our girls.

He and I know that we each have many layers and we love them all about each other.  We understand that we are individuals, not merely stereotypes.  We embrace and cherish that fact even when it might not seem normal to the world around us.

My best friend and I do not live a perfect life.  We live in the real world.  We get angry,  we get tired, we get sad and mad. We can get on each others nerves like nobody else can. We can expect things out of each other that nobody in their right mind would. But we each do our best by the other and when all is said and done we love each other ferociously and would never let anyone disparage the other.

The world can get me down at times and I can take for granted the wonderful person I have to share my life with.  I can say biting words and get so wrapped up in the negative that I don't tell my best friend how much I cherish each day with him.

My best friend is my husband.  My best friend is real, honest,  kind,  brave,  he is not an "ideal", he is human,  loving,  as crazy as I am, he is steady yet can have moments of doubt as do I,  he is smart, kooky,  funny,  sarcastic,  honorable,  handsome,  beautiful,  flawed and truly the most amazing person I know.  He is half of my whole.  He's my life and I don't think he'll ever know how much he means to me and how much I love him.

I'm not saying this to seem overly warm and fuzzy.  We aren't that couple.  We have cracks in our relationship and bumps in the road of our journey together but we are still here. Side by side,  good days and bad.  I just think it's important to take a moment to say that out loud every once in awhile.  Lest we forget that at the core of it all we are each human,  not just male or female,  husband or wife or parents.  We're still people with our own insecurities,  worries and fears and before we became we, we were first an I who became friends with the other.

I am blessed to have my best friend be my partner in life.  I thank him for all he is and does and for choosing every day to continue sharing his life with me. I will choose him every day,  again and again for the rest of my life.

"Spunky" Gabby Muffins

I joke a lot about our cookies for breakfast habit. I'm only half joking.  With Gabs especially it's hard to get her to eat very much at all.  She loves fruit but when I know it's going to be a few hours before lunch I don't like sending her to school on so few calories.

I can get her to eat a cookie or muffin though. While I know it isn't exactly health food she is getting some protein, some calories and a little fat to keep her from starving before her trip to the school cafeteria. 

She loves those, let's call them "Spunky", muffins particularly the chocolate, chocolate chip ones. They are like 1.50 a muffin though which I suppose isn't horrible but I can usually make 10 to 12 muffins for the same cost of one two muffin pack.  That said I've been playing with a few recipes to try and duplicate the "Spunky" recipe. This one I made last night.  It's not quite a twin, actually almost brownie like, but Gabs seems to like them.  

Spunky Gabby Muffins
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup softened butter
3/4 cup sour cream
1/4 cup light corn syrup
1 egg
1 and 1 / 2 cups self rising flour
2 and 1/2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
2 oz melted semi sweet chocolate chips
2 teaspoon vanilla

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream together:
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup softened butter
(I used the salted kind)
3/4 cup sour cream

When that's combined and smooth mix in

1/4 cup light corn syrup and
1 egg
till incorporated well.

Next melt 2 oz of semi sweet chocolate chips in the microwave by zapping for about 7 seconds then stirring then zap again another 7 and stir.

Repeat this process till the chocolate is smooth.

Pour melted, slightly cooled, chocolate into the wet mixture.  Mix till incorporated and mixture is light brown.

To the wet mixture add

1 and 1/2 cups self rising flour
Plus
2 1/2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

Mix till combined and add 2 teaspoons of vanilla as you're at the end of your incorporating.

Use an ice cream scoop to fill muffin tins that have been coated with baking spray. Or that are lined with muffin wrappers. This makes 10 muffins.

Optional: sprinkle the tops of the batter with milk chocolate chips.

Bake 20 to 25 minutes or until the top springs back when you touch it. Normally I'd use parchment muffin liners but I was out. Doing it this way I got a more prominent muffin top which I think is the best part anyhow! Gabs,  as I said likes them. She of course said they'd be better with frosting...hmmm. Cupcakes for breakfast?  She might be on to something 😉

Burning Skies

Weird poem to go with a story I've been writing in my head for a long time.  Funny how everyday things bring words. A little sing songy but it fits the sentiment of the character I'm working on.  Still trying to decide if it will be a happy or sad ending. I guess art really does imitate life, lol.

-Burning Skies-

"Nature's first green is gold"
yet whispers of evening hold hues
so bold.
Skies afire,
branches above,
wish I could navigate it all,
could understand love.
I stare at sunsets,
at the sunrise too,
try to juggle the world between,
against the pull of the moon.
I tap out words,
in the still of the night,
then I crawl back to bed,
try to forget my plight.
I can juggle heartache,
balance bittersweet
and pain
I just don't know how long I'll keep                  these words in refrain.                                     Tippy toe, tippy toe,                                             tight wire walk.                                                   How many more times                                            till people start to talk? 

I am not oblivious,
I can see all around,
my sky is still burning...
but I can't be seen
as the clown.

Bedtime Rituals

Brush your teeth girls. Five minutes later...I said brush your teeth! Another five... Both of you!  Yes you have to brush them EVERY DAY!

Get in bed.  Say prayers.  Pray for everyone on earth and every little thing and all our family and friends and did you know that (insert name) did this today at school and (insert name) said this.  This for another ten minutes.

Hugs and kisses.  You didn't hug me. Yes I did.  No you didn't.  Hug again.  She got two hugs. No she didn't.  More hugs.

Sing a song.  I will sing only one!

Three songs later....

Good night girls!  Love you too big!  Love you too big too!

Back in the living room, before our butt touches the couch, they have followed right behind us and are up again.

Girls!  Go to bed!

I need a drink. I have a headache.  My foot hurts.  What am I wearing tomorrow? I need something red to wear.

Back to bed. Talking.  More talking.  One then both back out of bed.

GET IN BED NOW!

Okay,  okay you don't have to yell.
Yes I do.

Back in bed. Talking starts to dwindle.
Finally asleep.

An hour or so later.

Check the doors.  Check the lights.  Take turns in the one (sigh) bathroom. 

Check the girls.  Cover up Gabs. Unfold Tori from her contortionist sleep.

Lights out.  Groan into bed.

Brain back on for long enough to annoy Dennis and help me remember everything I need to do tomorrow,  should have done today and might possibly have done wrong in life in general. Yawning.  Kiss good night. Blink. Morning.

I Listen To Christmas Music...Before Thanksgiving!

It's not yet Thanksgiving but if you rode along with me these days you'd find that my music selection has an air of pre-holiday spirit to it.  You see I am a Closet Christmas Music Enthusiast and I....gasp....listen before Thanksgiving.

I know,  I know,  many people will think so much less of me now. I may even be unfriended or some other such social catastrophe shall befall me. 

Many of my coworkers and even husband are in the anti pre Christmas celebration camp. Their front is strong and numbers many. But I also know that I am not alone in my love of a "Dashing Through The Snow" drive to work. 

My daughters have inherited the gene and sing loud and proud as my backseat backup singers on the way to school every week day. There is even one in my office who is my secret "Silent Night" singing friend, who quietly nods her approval when I put the Big Band Christmas play list on at the front desk. Word to my sister from another mother,  stay strong girl, keep jingling all the way. Perhaps we should wear a bit of tinsel on our shirt to remind others that our struggle for cheerful holiday music is real? 

I admit I am not finicky in my festive music selection either.  I embrace all the winter holidays. On occasion you may even hear me singing along to the "Hanukkah" song. It's all good,  it's chill like my man "Frosty". 

Some argue it's rushing things, that I'm somehow cheapening the season but I see it differently.  I in no way wish to skip Thanksgiving. I in fact am merely looking to stretch out what is only supposed to be one month of Good Will towards my fellow man and light hearted sing alongs to two months of happier days despite the slate blue drizzly skies above us.  Is that so wrong?

Music makes me happy.  It's that plain and simple.  When the sun fades away after fall and my daylights savings account is running low, Christmas music is there to remind me that sun or no it ain't all bad.  If I were to be completely honest with you I'd have to admit that I have even been known to listen to it as early as summer.  You heard right, on some of those days when I shut my office door I'm not just working on paperwork and reports. I'm having a secret musical liason with "Rudolph" and his gang.  Don't judge me.  Whatever gets you through the day you know? And really who is it hurting?

So with that out in the open I will walk forward with a little extra bounce in my step and lighter heart.  I feel good knowing that I've let others who have an affinity for twinkle lights, red and green and Elfish Culture know that they are not alone.  I shall leave you with a song that I think is a holiday"ish" sort of melody and shouldn't offend too many of the Anti Holiday music crowd.  It is a Song For a Winters "Night" however and of course it's still morning...but hey, that's just how I roll. 

Finding Peace In Trees

We don't have any large trees at our house so often times you'll find me standing, come morning, at the side kitchen door gazing through the fog of my breath on its window towards the neighbors house and the large tree that resides between our houses.  I'm not too sure how it came to be that I find such solidarity in a tree, all the same though I do.  

Looking at that tree, with the back drop of the rising sun, helps me find center.  It's something outside myself I suppose, a focal point that doesn't contain world worries and anxieties within it's branches or leaves, something that stays steady despite the news and constant stream of turmoil that seems to flood in around us.  For those few moments each day I step outside all that and in blatant shirk of responsibility I forget that I have any other ties than to that tree or perhaps the ebb and flow of the flight pattern of birds above it.

Dennis and I talked about something similar to that last night.  The night before he had quipped about me making my cover photo on Facebook a row of chickens on a roosting bar despite all the seriousness that we were facing in the world around us.  Last night, however, he ran across a poem by Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things." Upon showing it to me and proclaiming how great it was, I told him, "that's why I have chickens for a cover photo."  The sentiment in that poem is the same as my reason for staring at trees and photographing chickens.  I'd like to post the poem here but I'm a little uncertain of the copyright issues surrounding it so instead I'll post a link to a website that you can find it at:

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171140

  

I will also quote one line: 

"For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

Wendell Berry~From: The Peace of Wild Things

So you see, I know that staring at a tree in the mornings and posting pictures of pretty birds won't solve the worlds problems but for a moment at least it does solve mine.  And maybe, just maybe, if we were all to find a bit of grace in things like these perhaps we could spread that grace on to help calm and soothe the rest of the world.

Dreaded Wake Up Call

I wrote this the other day and since then Tori seems to be getting better.  She's back to school today but all the same the sentiment is the same.  Hope your day isn't too rushed.

Yesterday:

I'm really not looking forward to waking the girls up this morning.  Tori is still miserable and Gabs by default thinks she is. Tori needs to stay home and that means figuring out who can stay and arguing with Gabs that she still has school.

This is one of the parts of having both parents work that is really crappy. When a child is sick you have to go through this whole debate to figure whose job is going to allow them to stay home with them. I of course end up feeling like the recipient of the most horrible mother of the year award if I can't be there.

I know that despite how bad I have it though there are so many others that have it worse. I have Dennis and we are blessed to be able to have at least one of us stay home in most instances.  We also agree that we are parents equally,  gender doesn't matter, these are our girls and we each take care of them equally.

Not everyone has a job that allows for this.  Not every relationship does either.  I hear so many stories from people I interact with daily about both parents working shifts that leaves them only seeing their children while they sleep when they pick them up from a sitter. Or its just one parent trying to juggle it all. I know that people do what they have to, to make sure that the bills get paid and that everyone has what they need physically but that sort of life can leave a person emotionally drained.

Yeah I know,  this doesn't have much to do with chickens but my world is not all about pretty feathers and well lit farm photos.  There are sick children and a 40 hour work weeks, night meetings, homework, too much laundry and not enough hours in the week to keep everything and everyone in perfect order.

I wish I had the magic answer for it all. We rush and rush. I wish the modern world would allow for a bit more family and humanity. For all of us. I'm by no means a conservative, I am a big believer in equality and I don't believe that raising kids is for everyone simply because they are female.  This is more than just about that though.  When the world gets so fast that there are those afraid to allow themselves time to heal from an illness for fear of losing their home then something is wrong in my opinion.  If we all took a good look at it and each other and remembered that we are only here for awhile couldn't we realize that perhaps this mad dash isn't working.

I don't know what I'm saying really I guess.  Just venting. Got to get the girls up though.  Fingers crossed and prayers for healthy ears.

Cluck Mahal

It took some doing but last we moved 28 hens and a rooster to the new Cluck Mahal.  Three roosters will remain in the old chicken cabin until we can find them new homes.I have to say that the video really made the process look more streamlined than it really was.

The chickens wanted nothing to do with the move.  My words of, "oh this will be easy, " had to be eaten.  I have to be honest and say that while I assisted with the herding,  cornering and release process I didn't do so well with the actual capturing part.  Mostly my job was to run them from one side of the fence to a be trapped and captured by Dennis.  I did manage to tote them across the yard to be freed from their trash can jail and set loose in their new fancy home.

I will note that Zeus, our Labrador, wanted nothing to do with the move.  He watched from a safe distance...As did the very unchilvilrous roosters who ran for their lives and left the hens to fend for themselves.  All except the one,  who consequently was chosen to make the move while the other three were left to live alone in the bachelor pad.
Check out the "Cluck Mahal "!

I Rise

I have always been an early morning riser. That doesn't mean I won't go back to bed given the opportunity but at least for a while I will leave the bed and do my best to not wake anyone so I can sit alone for a bit.  I remember doing this as far back as four when I learned that as long as I didn't bother anyone I could sit quietly on the couch with the TV all to myself,  that was back when there was only one TV in the house and the "Little Rascals" still came on in the earliest of hours.  I would find my own breakfast,  usually dry cereal, and sit with a blanket and the volume turned down so I could just hear it.

These days I sit with a cup of coffee and a Kindle or phone and tap away words on a glowing screen.  Gabby my youngest is usually the first to join me but she,  like me, understands the need for personal quiet.  She settles with her own morning juice and cereal or yes, occasionally cookies, and with the exception of a few words we sit together in comfortable silence lost in our own heads for a few moments before the world wakes up and we are forced to begin the process all again.

Some days this ritual is probably the only reason I don't just stay in bed, too weighed down with my own worries, anxieties and stresses of life to deem the need to keep shuffling on worth losing the heat of the blankets. Oddly, I rise, because I rise.

We are all so connected, we know the fears, failures and heartbreak of not just our own world's but those of our fellow humans from most every curve of the planet. It can weigh you down.  While I understand the need to be in the know and keep up that connection I can't help but believe we all need a little more time by ourselves to help process it all. Not to bury your head and ignore but to clear your head with a little bit of silence before the noise starts anew to fill it once again.

The meditation of autonomy.  In a world where most every moment is chronicled on social media to the point that were losing the ability to pause long enough with the selfies and group pics to actually interact with those around us I think we need this disconnect, I think we need to go back to learning how to live life in our own heads for a bit.  If everything is just an online photo or status it can all start to seem flat and beyond the initial shock people start to just accept it as the norm and scroll on by. We need to step back and process. We need a moment to remember that we ourselves are human in all this insanity so that in turn we don't forget that those in that news feed are too. Disconnect to connect.  It may not solve the world's problems but hopefully it will allow us the ability to rise once more to continue trying to.

Keep On The Sunny Side

So the other day as I was driving Gabs to school,  Tori was feeling rough and home with Dennis for the day, I stopped to make a right turn onto main and was facing a road sign across street.  It was one of those random moments when you notice something for the first time that you actually see every day but are sort of on autopilot and look through it instead of at it.

Just a sign listing local historical lamdmarks and such but again my weird brain found it funny. The Sunny Side is one direction and Maxwell House the other.  You'd think they would reside together as that the consumption of one can often lead you to the other.  The fact that I even had this thought leads me to believe that I hadn't had enough coffee myself that morning.

Today is not much different.  I am not feeling too alert and chatty today.  Poor Toris week continued with her feeling sick.  We finally found out yesterday at the urgent treatment center that she'd had an ear infection coming on for days and that was actually causing her sore throat. 

We didn't get to bed till around 1 a.m. They no longer offer prescription ear drops for some inane reason.  Fortunately Dennis found some homeopathic type late yesterday at Wally World when we realized nothing else was going to allow her to sleep.  They helped though and she,  and we, got some rest.  

The house is still completely quiet now.  Even my brain allowed me to sleep till 7:15 today.  I think I will forgo the coffee for a bit and head back to bed for at least awhile.  Otherwise my own Sunny Side shall not shine today. 

Amish Marketing Campaign

We're having Amish chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.  They were a gift with purchase for buying a chicken coop from "Miller's Mini Barns" out of Salem,  Indiana.  We bought our other building through them and also got cookies then as well. I find this incredibly funny for some reason and at the same time logical in a weird baker's brain sort of way.

I mean you spend several thousand dollars with someone then by golly you should get cookies to sweeten the deal.  Right?

I looked up their business to see if they also run a bakery but I can't find anything on it. They do actually have a website which is another odd fact in my opinion.  Amish website design.  I was curious about that as well and evidently various groups have different beliefs in regards to use of some electricity and even Internet use. As long as you are off the grid, I.e. solar powered and wireless?  All the same here's their website:
http://www.millersminibarns.com/Barns.html

Alas no mention of cookies though.  Let me tell it's a good recipe. Almost worth buying a chicken coop for lol! I am really curious about this practice.

Curious enough that the next free day off we have I want to take a road trip to Indiana to see their business in person.  I'm weird like that.  I love to imagine stories behind people and practices.

I'd like to meet the lady baking the cookies.  I have questions,  I admit I am strange. But seriously though:
Do they only bake the cookies?
Are they legitimately from scratch?
Why chocolate chip?
Why cookies at all?
If they just do the cookies for the whole gift with purchase thing then how often do they actually have to bake them?
I mean seriously how many barns can you really sell in a day or week?

I realize of course that I really should have better things to consider but in all sincerity I find daydreaming about barn building,  cookie bakers much more pleasurable than worrying about politics and all the other stresses of life.  Not to mention I want that recipe.

Okay enough daydreaming.  Back to life.  Gotta get the girls ready for school.  And let me just end by saying,  don't judge me for feeding my kids breakfast cookies....they at least are Amish Cookies....that makes them more wholesome somehow right?

Taj Mahal O' Chicken coops

A bit behind on blogging but thought I'd post a picture of the new Chicken Coop. Gotta say the girls and boys (those that survive the great Rooster downsizing of 2015) are moving on up!

Winter Is "Mouse" Definitely Coming

John snow has zombie warriors,  I have mice.

Something I can't get used to about country life is mice. Now don't get me wrong, I've dealt with mice before,  even in city life, country mice just seem a little more unpredictable. 

My relationship with mice isn't all bad I guess.  I actually owe not having to take naps after the age of 5 to a mouse. As it happened on the day of my last mandatory nap I lay in bed looking down the hallway of my childhood home contemplating how long I'd have to stay there till I could sneak out to play and while biding my time I saw a mouse. 

While not particularly bothered, because I had seen the mouse go into a closet and not seen it come back out, I used it as my excuse to run screaming from bed and then proclaimed that I couldn't take a nap knowing a mouse was lurking in the hall. It worked that day and as an excuse enough days after that, that my Momma gave up on the notion of making me nap after that. In retrospect I can now see where Tori and Gabs may  gotten some of their planning abilities. 

While I owe mice a gratitude for that childhood freedom I still don't like them.

The other morning as I stumbled around half awake making coffee I caught a black shadow out of the corner of my eye and about dropped the coffee pot as the owner of the shadow ran behind the faucet, around the cabinet and then came to a stop on the stove.  I kid you not,  the mouse stopped and looked at me as if daring me to do something before he jumped from the stove and ran to hide in the hallway somewhere.

I should interject here that while not incredibly squeamish I am a control freak,  this is the true reason for my dislike of mice...and spiders.  They are small,  move fast and hide well. I have no control over them and no way to track them, they are rogue agents with no plans but for survival, no method to their madness.

That's why, while I will leave be the stationary spider who made its home over the back door of the house, I will squash gleefull any that choose to randomly show up in surprise locations inside the house.  It's a respect thing I think. 

Outdoor spider does her thing catching bugs in her very visible, very non changing location and I can nod to her in respect for her daily dedication.  Crazy random spider, with no boundaries, must die...sorry pacifists.

I have the same feelings for crazy, stare me down from the stove mice. The gauntlet has been thrown and I accept the challenge.  So yesterday I stocked up on traps and steel wool. One will capture and one deter by blocking any pathways they might find in. I shall defend the wall if you will.

I feel confident I can win...just as long as they don't turn into zombie mice. In that case? Maybe I need to start watching back episodes of Walkers? Granted they do tend to be slow and stagger a lot.  I might be able to take them, if I can get my coffee first.

Perspective

I've been working on a painting project for several months now.  I just just haven't hit the right mood to finish it up.  I started back this summer right after we got the new building and I got space to work on things.

Time keeps moving swiftly,  I've hit the stage where I can recognize that it seems. Life doesn't slow down to let me catch the same light on the hillside behind the house for more than a day or so in a row.  What started as a summer view has quickly turned to fall and soon winter.

I went out the other morning to get a picture of it before all the leaves are gone.  It's going to be too cold soon to stand with the back doors swung open to see it anyhow.  I was up early and thought I'd have decent light but everything still lay in shadows. About thirty minutes later,  after heading back in and begrudging the subdued shades I looked out again from the warmth of the house to see in that short time everything had changed.

Like I said, life moves swiftly and doesn't care about my mood,  the weather or if I have time to capture or even recognize it. If I want to be aware I have to be there and make time to see it.

The view is about a lot more than light though.  I did go back out to take pictures of the better light but the colors of summer are gone and the farm field behind me has been harvested and moved on to new crops. It's up to me to fill in the spots that I think are lacking.

It reminds me of something Dennis said the other day about the color of fall leaves. He told me that the color we see in fall is always there, even in spring and summer. It's just that they are so full of chlorophyll that we only see the green.  When fall comes the chlorophyll is drained away as food so they can survive the winter and we are left to look at all the beautiful shades that were always there.

Life is definitely moving fast.  I'm not the same green leafy specimen of my youth but as that fades I'm left to find my true colors.  I know it's not likely I'll get to slow down much but I can try to keep it all in perspective.

Creating New Habits, Or Morning Pages

Back in college,  around 1995, a professor and good friend Suzanne Zurinsky gave me a book that I loved at the time but truly didn't understand the importance of until now,  20 years later. The book is called,  "The Artist's Way" and is by author Julia Cameron.

It's basically a program for reprogramming your brain to allow yourself to create.  Essentially you wake each morning and write.  First thing,  no matter what,  no matter if you think you have something to say or not you write.  Ultimately you are creating the habit of creativity. Those pages are paired with other activities and lessons geared to help you get yourself on  the path to your artistic self.

At 19, Lordy I can't help but think it was just a blink ago, I was all into it but at that age, when I had no responsibility and all the time in the world to devote to developing myself, I had no clue how important that was and how free I was at the time to do it.

Fast forward 20 years to being a wife, mom, employee, boss, to where finding the time to sit alone for 30 minutes to just write without interruption is a luxury not right. I now see the power that habit or lack of habit can have.  I see how much habit and responsibility guide our,  my actions.

Recently I read another book that, while not geared towards developing the artist in you, ultimately explained the same core idea behind what "The Artist's Way" is doing.  "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg.  Essentially habit is the driving force behind almost everything we do in life.  The reason for our not being able to stick with a diet,  why we shop at a certain store, why we keep doing something despite knowing it's not good for us.

We have a trigger that instigates an action that helps us seek a desired reward.  For example : I wake up early, trigger.  I make coffee,  action.  I sit by myself with a warm cup and quiet time in my head,  reward.  If I could change my reaction to the trigger, say I wake,  I exercise for 30 minutes,  I am rewarded by being able to fit into my jeans.  It's hard to change habits though.  They are hardwired and despite the fact that we think we are guided by free will our bodies can get on autopilot.  If I'm tired my body says, "hey, we already know the reward for making coffee and sitting quietly.  It's much easier,  just let me take this,  forget the stupid exercise thing."

The same goes for creativity.  We get in the habit of not creating of not finding time for ourselves to develop that part of us.

It's hard though to not let yourself slip into the easier autopilot way of life.  It's even easier to just keep saying I don't have time despite the fact that you're not getting the desired reward.  You have to force yourself to change your actions and stick with it until you can form a new habit.

That's what I'm doing with this.  I'm making myself write everyday.  I wake up, I still drink coffee but I also write and am rewarded with feeling more like me,  more creative and thus I perpetuate "hopefully" the habit of being artistic and a bit more more sane.

Habits beget other habits.  Good begets good just the same as bad begets bad. If I feel more centered and like I'm developing the parts of myself that are what I inherently feel is the true me then I will be happier and better all around.  The trigger of feeling unfulfilled causes me to react with negativity which in turn is the trigger for others to react likewise.  Habit is ultimately a bitch.  Yeah I said that.

So I'm writing.  I may not have anything to say every day but I will write.  I'm forming the habit of being me, someone who knew as a child that she was born creative and who feels more whole creating and who somehow let the insanity of life, the rush and stress, strip that away.  It's there all the same though. I just have to work back to it. 

Weathering Gourds and Life

Drying gourds takes time.  The best way I've found is to leave them on the vine until they dry up at the stem. Most of the ones I have to work with right now actually stayed in the field through the winter months. They were moved away from sitting in too much water but for the most part they look pretty bad as they go through the process.  Some mold and yes some don't make it.  After they've dried I do wash them down a bit to get rid of any mud and debris but then I just put them into large garbage bags to store them under my work desk until I pick one to scour and clean a little more thoroughly so I can make something with it.

The two large gourds I got recently won't be ready to do anything with until next year.  It really is a waiting process.  When I first got them a few weeks back they were so fresh and taunt,  glowing skins and possibilities.  But despite all the potential I still have to wait it out.

It's a lot like life really.  I can want to hurry through it but it just won't work.  The mundane, tiresome molding and aging process is not skippable. All the rough patches are needed to help prepare us and them. The beauty at its end simply cannot be achieved without that time period.

I have to admit that I am a bit of a control freak though.  I have a problem giving up the process and trusting that time and God will take care of it. Having faith in the unknown and realizing that I am not in charge of and responsible for everything in my life is one of my biggest issues.

I want to believe that everything will be ok but even if you can see the beautiful work of art and reward waiting at the end for you it still gets hard.  Believing that my worries and trials warrant the attention of God and that I'm not just in a big game of chance is also pretty nerve wracking.

A lot of days it's hard to believe, period.  I see the final products of the wait and worry,  the pain of weathering and I try to make myself remember that it is worth it.  There's no quick fix,  no way to speed the process,  just like those gourds you just have to let the rain fall, the wind blow, feel the cold and the heat and accept that you will be changed and yes survive. 

It's a process of faith. Weathering gourds and life.

https://instagram.com/p/9yM2Uoohat/

Baking and Life Flops

All too often, well let's be honest pretty much always,  I and just about everyone I know has taken to posting about life in only the best light.  We crop and paste, angle our world's to present only the most picture perfect image of who we are and what our lives are about. 

In all truth it can be a bit much to live up to, especially in light of how stressful life seems to have become. My life is anything but neat, clean and photogenic.  Maybe the real reason I...we, all perpetuate this notion of living a perfect life is so we can feel like it is at least on social media.

I've decided I'm going to make a conscious effort to not crop everything into that though.  Life is messy, my house stays a mess, my laundry needs washing, my kids fight and get sick, romance ain't alway easy, and as much as I love to bake not every creation is beautiful.  But you know what?  That's okay.

We're all doing our best and there's no need for us to keep on making each other feel like we have to live up to some ideal life. We're only forcing ourselves to not be able to enjoy the moments we have for fear that we need them to be post worthy.

So in honor of that I give you my recent failure.  Behold,  the bourbon,  bacon pecan blondie. They may not look like much but you know what?  They taste awesome even if they'll never grace the cover of a magazine. And as for all my other ups and downs,  my bad hair and bad moods, they're ok too and I'm going to start accepting and acknowledging those as well. 

Sitting Still

Dark nights come fast to slow us down.  A few days ago I complained about the sun being taken away but tonight I'm singing a different tune or at least listening to one.  We're all four in the living room dispersed on the couch with iHeart Radio playing through the TV.  Tori loves country music and talking even more so she's competing to be heard above the songs she listening to.  Gabs is watching minecraft videos on her kindle but you still see her move her lips to the words in the songs every now and again.  Dennis and I are talking between the chatter and their singing and I can appreciate that maybe darkness might bring it's own kind of light.

Daylights Saving Time

I woke this morning and took a few minutes to stand on the back deck and listen to the crowing of our roosters mixing with the sounds of grumbling hens, the honking of our neighbors geese and the waking moos of his cattle.  All this came from a heavy fog that blocked out most any semblance of the sun. It came a bit later but after I'd left for work and left the girls for the day at the sitters.

Home again this evening the night sky came much too quickly despite the "Daylights Savings" that the clock change of this weekend promised.  I miss the sunshine already and winter has yet to truly take it away.