Monday, January 25, 2016

Monday - The Saga Continues

Ugh. Coffee.  Good.
Me sit.
Me drink coffee.
Me speak in one syllable (well except that one) words.

It's Monday and time to climb out of my snow cave. In all truth it's not that bad. I'm sleepy but I actually feel decent.  Kinda rejuvenated. I needed this break I think to get my head back on straight.

Of course I blew any semblance of a diet. Didn't really do anything productive but I don't feel a bit guilty and feel recharged in a lot of ways despite some backsliding.  Snow days can be helpful in that way I think.  All that glowingly blinding snow can help illuminate the path you need to be taking.

So it's Monday and I will survive. 
I may drag my feet a bit because I'm still shaking off the lazies but I'll be all right.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Snow Day Cave

Train of thought.  Writing without form. I've been way from writing for several days now and I fear I'm getting rusty. So I'm typing whatever this morning until I can work the kinks out.

I'm a bit fuzzy,  almost furry brained, from the medicine I took for my sinus headache earlier. The pressure coming through from the storm had my head in a vice. I was in bed early last night then awake again at 2 something till almost four then again at 6 and 7. Needless to say not much sleep.

Gabs let me sleep in until 8:45 then she needed me to watch Shadow Hunters with her, a show about teenagers hunting down evil and fighting for good in the world.  It's based on a book series,  filmed a little like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, right up my ally lol! I'm being serious.

Gabs inherited my love of stories and shows about magical creatures, vampires and witches and the lot. She loves them but can't/won't watch them alone.  So awake I must. We're on episode two and discussing the fact that there's a movie version of this and debating on whether or not we should hunt it down on Netflix so we can watch and compare.

Dennis and Tori are still snoozing,  the snow has set in heavy now.  I may end up back in bed myself if this medicine has anything to say about it.  I don't know if Gabby will let me though.  I brought home two Lord of the Rings movies and she's not seen them.  I have a feeling if I get any more sleep it will be right here on this couch. I suppose there are worse ways to spend a day.

We're safe and warm at home.  Full fridge,  movies to watch,  no ice yet (knock on wood, I think I ought to go with it and get settled in for the weekend. I hope that everyone is doing as well and keep doing as well as the storm blows on.

My headache has waned and I think I'm going to embrace the fact that I'm a bit empty headed. I shall fill up on pointless television and just watching the snow fall outside my window.  There's plenty of time another day to worry about the world's problems and even my own.  Today I shall hibernate in my snow day cave.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Mindless TV

I know it drives Dennis crazy but I truly love mindless TV. Teenage soap operas, overly dramatic vampire movies, you name it, if I don't have to think about it, if the outcome of the movie isn't going to effect the outcome of anything of any substance or matter all the better.

I know I'm not alone in this.  As a librarian I see it every day.  Why do you think harlequin romances are so popular?  Those are all written by a formula.  You know by page X that the main characters will fall in love and although on page Y they'll have some conflict by page Z all is right in the world again and they'll live happily ever after.

It's escapism at its finest.  Much like sports.  Yeah I said that.  While the outcome isn't always the happy ever after, the process is the same.  You watch it to escape,  the ending isn't going to bring about world peace or the downfall of China's government.  For a little while at least you forget your problems and focus on something outside you.

That's a big problem for me.  I get caught up in worrying about stuff and can't let it go.  I also can't let myself understand that sometimes things aren't in my control.  For some reason I think worry will change things. I need the serenity to accept the things I can't change. Easier said than done though.

Here lately I seem to be more consumed by trying to fix things. Things for others,  my kids, me. Especially things that I frankly think ought to be governed by common sense and basic human decency.  People not allowing people to get help when they are truly only trying to survive the situation they're in. To rise above,  get a leg up. 

Then there are the things that happen, that someone you think you know does, that flies in the face of any thoughts of connection.  Things that happen over and over again in the world that you think ought to stop merely because it's been asked to stop.  It gets harder to see the bigger picture when it seems that change can't be made. But alas I keep worrying about it all the same. I suppose that means there's still hope.  Or that I'm dillusional.

I need to believe that deep down people are good and if everyone really knew one another they'd want them all to okay and safe. I gotta believe that eventually people will see the hurt they cause in the blindness of trying to make themselves happy or richer. I don't know why I think worry will change things.  But worry I must.

So I guess until the day comes that I run out of worries poor Dennis is going to have to put up with sparkly vampires and teen angst. I reckon he'll be okay.  He can manage it if I can learn to manage basketball games....shh don't tell anyone I said that, they'll take away my Kentucky card.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Don't Feel Like Shining

Today I'm just tired.  No philosophical words to tap out. Just that.  Tired.

The alarm went off in a song and I didn't feel like singing.  I guess I'm a little grumpy too. Or maybe just stuck in my head.

Gabs woke up with a smile talking about her soft feet...She and Tori both slathered on lotion last night because Tori has a newfound dislike for her feet and Gabs had to follow suit. So Gabs is especially happy with the outcome.  Tori is still in bed as is Dennis. For once I think they have the right idea. I'm hoping Gabs happiness is infectious.  Her only complaint is that it's still too early for her favorite YouTube people to post a video. 

I hear the coffee making its final gurgle.  Yes coffee.  That's the answer.  It's Friday after all. I'm off today actually although it's to clean house and I have to work tomorrow.  I'm off all the same.  I think I need to get that coffee in me. Otherwise risen or not I just don't feel like shining.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

The Lottery

So I haven't looked,  don't know who won or didn't.  The lottery I mean.  It's all anyone has talked about for the last week or so.

Be it, "can you imagine what you'd do with that much?" to, "it would ruin your life, " just about everywhere I've been I've heard people talking.  The thing that struck me most was that most everyone wanted to help someone else.

Most everyone I know is somewhere in the middle working hard, has just enough but not enough that they can stop worrying if something were to happen. And most all of us are surrounded by others in the same situation.

What I heard a lot of is not I'd buy a yacht or new house,  granted once the conversation got going there was some daydreaming,  but mostly I heard people wanting to take care of their families,  coworkers and friends.  They wanted to help them pay off their homes and debt,  make sure their parents were safe and able to stay in their homes in their later years.  Most didn't really want to be billionaires they wanted the chance to get out of debt and be able to have a sense of security for themselves and those around them. Most wanted to share and be kind.

Of course some fun was had planning the islands they'd buy, the dream occupations and travel. I think dreaming is one of the biggest reasons people play.  You know you're probably never going to win but for the short moment you get to daydream and play what if. When people are working days on end with just enough to get by they can lose the ability to do that.  People,  sadly,  must do what they have to do to take care of their family and homes and don't get the luxury to think of all the things they would love to do. I guess that's why, with the exception of those that are doing it at the detriment of making sure their kids have food and they can pay their bills,  I don't see a reason why they shouldn't be allowed a few dollars to let them dream.

I have to say it was nice hearing people talk.  You saw at the cores of what they worry about.  You saw hope and a lightheartedness that you don't get to see often.  It was nice.  I wish there was some way to give people that every day.  Everyone win enough to pay off several months of bills so everyone is ahead and able to start saving towards their dream goals. Everyone make a living wage and be able to not worry that sickness or childcare can mean they're one step from failure.  I wish everyone were on an even playing ground.  Everyone able to better them self and get ahead. I wish that there wasn't such a huge gap between the haves and have nots and people could look at those around them more often not as competition but as friends who we each should care about and help. Just imagine.

All that said I don't know the answer.  Other than for people to always try and see the good in others.  Try to see that most all are trying their best just like you are.  I think sometimes the lack of dreams in people is what really gets them down and unable to see that in many ways we have won the lottery.  At least I know I have.  I saw that yesterday as I pulled in the drive  and saw the jackpot of a view I have.  I guess basically it's been nice to see the similarities I'm people that this big shared daydream has brought out.  I hope we can keep a little bit of that dream alive even if not everyone can win.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

I Worry

I worry. I worry constantly.
I worry about my children and husband.  I worry about my coworkers.  I worry I don't do enough.  I worry I do too much.  I worry about the government,  the poor,  the hungry,  the elderly,  the abused and neglected.  I worry. I worry constantly.

I have done this since childhood.  I remember being five and my brother was in the hospital with spinal meningitis and I worried that I needed to take him a gift or he wouldn't get better.  In third grade I went on a field trip and spent most of it distraught over the fact that I had five dollars and I needed to bring everyone in my family a souvenir back but wasn't sure how I would manage it.

When I was in college and taking psychology classes I was certain I had myself (and most of my relatives) diagnosed.  I had generalized anxiety disorder,  meaning I worry.  I worry constantly.  I even worry about worrying.

Today I don't think I have that so much anymore.  I do think I'm a lot like a lot of other people I know.  I'm overly perceptive of others. I also have a somewhat obsessive personality and a one track mind.

I'm trying to do better.  I try to realize that the world and all the problems of those around me can't be solved in a day. I'm trying to make myself realize that you can only do what you can do and take it day by day.  I'm on a mission to get my life organized which I hope will help me clear the clutter in my head.

I will always worry though. My job is to learn how to not let it consume all the wonderful things I don't need to worry about.  I should be thankful. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Waiting for Winter

What a change in tune from last year. We all seem to be waiting for Winter.  All of us wishing secretly for a snow day that would allow us the legitimate reason to be be home and warm,  sleeping late and happy while we watch the world turn white around us.

I won't lie.  I want nothing more than to crawl back in bed,  warm and safe, no worries about the rush of life still running on despite my protests.  The girls are going to be disappointed as well.  Their only solace,  summer will come on schedule,  no need to make up snow days.

But while the wind blows cold outside and the coffee fills the air in here I still can't help but dream of a simpler time when no decisions to make further than,  "what will we watch on TV today?"

Time to wake up though.  Back to the real world,  no time for fantasy. I'm just a poor girl, no one let's me have snow days, easy come,  easy go.....I want to go back to bed though. But they will not let me go,  no will not let me Gooooooo! Wait...This whole scenario sounds familiar....danged Bohemian Rhapsody.  Sigh, time to stop having my pity party. At least I have coffee.  Yes coffee.  You will always be there for me.  Even when I REALLY don't want to adult today.

Good morning.  I'll stop my griping.  Here's to coffee and us all staying safe and warm.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Good Morning

A bit of snow dusts
the ground about, cold and white
but only slightly.

January morn'
we greet you anew like old,
this face familiar.

Moon still bright above
I embrace your true beauty.
I cling to my door.

This winter face shows
me once again all I have.
Cold showing me warmth.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Alas my mornings keep rushing by. No time for words or quiet contemplation,  just "Hurry up girls! We're going to be late!"

Never thought that my resolution to write each morning would be as hard to keep as exercising especially since I enjoy the writing much more than exercise. It all boils down to time vs. a need for sleep. The luxury to sit quietly alone is a pricey commodity.

That's my one big complaint, not enough time to enjoy a moment before having to jump to the next.  I suppose the fact that I have time to think about that in itself means I have much more than others have who can't even catch a breath or pause to think about it.

I think too that much of my rushing is my own making, also very related to "stuff". The constant sorting and shifting of stuff consumes my free time. I have been realizing that I am going to have to simply sort some things out the door if I want to finally be able to enjoy the really important things.

That's easier said than done though when two people come together who tend to save everything and know that either through art, gardening or otherwise there's a good chance we'll "need" that later. Then there's the fact that we have raised two similar minded kids, especially Gabs who tends to keep everything down to broken crayons.  I think we could enjoy creating in our favorite mediums much more if we pared our tools down to the most useful and important. 

Once again I can maybe see some draw to the Amish/Shaker way of life.  Simple home equals simplified mind. Well maybe uncluttered mind. Either way the extra breathing room and or room to think would be wonderful.

So I think I have talked myself into realizing that if I really want more free time I'm going to have to do the work to find it. Clutter, while not alone,  is one of the culprits in stealing my time.  I think I know what I need to start doing this weekend.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Catching Up

The holidays were kind of a whirlwind.  I still have things spread about at home but time doesn't seem to stop for people to take down trees.  It also doesn't seem to stop long enough for people to sit down and peacefully write.  We jumped headlong into the new year and I think trying to get back into habits from before the school holiday has left us a bit frazzled.

With no snow at Christmas I've kind of gotten out of the mood for any type of winter weather it seems and now I just want Spring to come.  My brain is battling over wanting to hibernate and catching these weirdly off season whims to do Spring Cleaning and get organized.  I seem to go from sitting in some vegged out state on the couch to suddenly feeling the need to GET ALL THE THINGS CLEAN!  I think happy weather would help me get switched over to a better/more stable frame of mind.

Even nature is a little out of whack with all this odd weather for January.  Plants and animals don't seem know which end is up anymore than I do.  I'm worried we're going to have some sad showings on flowers come spring because of it.  The chickens are laying like gangbusters but I can't help but wonder if they too will go into a second winter laying break if indeed the weather does finally get into winter mode.

Maybe a sunlight lamp would help me?  More Vitamin D?  I think I need to try and trick my brain into believing that Snow isn't going to play peek a boo with us and hopefully it will get my head and schedule back on track.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Bohemian Chickens And Other Assorted Characters

Because it's Monday and the first day after Christmas break for the girls I wasn't able to write this morning.  That said I will leave you this for your viewing pleasure!






Sunday, January 3, 2016

Sunday Fun Day

Up slowly today.  Even the roosters seem quiet.  Standing in the sun streaming through the kitchen door, the light falling just right to keep my coffee warm.

I bet if I looked deeply into the caramel colored swirl I can read my future..."you will drink coffee tomorrow." Wow! How does it know? I only wish it would forsee my house magically cleaning itself back up. It still looks like Christmas exploded in here. Oh well.

In complete disregard for the disorder in my home I got to use my Christmas toy the other day for the first time.  Dennis got me a dremel which I love!  I only did a few swipes because I was inside. Still have to get the electricity ran to the building so I can have power,  light and heat. It's going to be a learning curve and I know I'll need goggles and a mask but as a wise woman once said,  "the possibilities are endless! " I want to work with it more today but tomorrow is back to the grind for all of us.

There's laundry to do,  outfits to put in cubbies for the week,  dinners and lunch to plan (we're going to try and get back on the health bandwagon). I also need to get everyone up and going if we're going to church today.  Time to pull Gabs away from My Little Pony and the two sleeping beauties out of bed.  Despite what the song says it can't always be Sunday Fun Day. But it is a good day.  Lazy or not,  wishing for craft time or not,  the sun is shining,  we aren't trapped by snow,  we're all warm,  safe, overly well fed and my coffee cup is full with possibilities!  Here's to the new week and New Year!

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Selling Eggs Won't Make You Rich

A couple of people have asked me about how and why we started raising chickens and thus selling eggs.  I can tell you it was never with the idea of getting rich in mind.  This is a hobby for us. Dennis loves caring for them,  the chickens are really relaxing to watch.  Funny I know but they're like goldfish in that respect.  I enjoy watching them meander about and like to photograph them, especially since Dennis has selected our flock for not just hardiness but also pretty colors and pretty eggs.  The eggs are the other main reason for us raising the chickens.

Fresh Eggs Taste Better

Of course it's a matter of opinion but as far as I am concerned fresh farm or backyard raised eggs taste better.  I actually didn't like to eat eggs by themselves before tasting this kind.  For me many store bought eggs taste and smell sulphury.  I didn't say all, but many.

I also love to bake and I think these bake up better.  Having a ready supply of healthy, golden orangish yolked eggs for a Baker is pretty cool.  Higher quality ingredients makes for a better end product.

All that in mind we are up to thirty some odd chickens and unless I get more time and a certified kitchen I won't be using that many eggs a week so we decided to sell some of them. Like I said you won't get rich selling eggs.  We would have to get quite a few more layers,  start buying seed and feed in bulk, get another fridge for storage and start going to some of the larger farmers markets to truly make any kind of profit. Still,  even with that,  factoring in everything you put into it it's not a get rich quick scheme.

I'm not trying to keep you from raising chickens. I just think you should go into it knowing what you want to get out of it. We raise them for fun, to have access to our own fresh eggs and have just a big enough flock that selling some of the eggs allows us to break even after feed, care time etc.

If you're wanting to do it as a business you need to really get the background information on the selling side. You can only sell so many out of your own home and not get into the tax issue.  Notice I said out of your own home.  Putting the eggs in a building outside of your home also brings up taxing and business laws.

Obviously I am biased in my information resources but If you really want to know more you should check with your local extension office.  They are a great resource for learning the rules of small farm business, catering and more.  They also have great classes on all these types of topics.  The Library will also have great books on where you can get started and quite possibly has a librarian on staff that is passionate about your topic.  And I'll tell you that if you don't see a book or resource on what you need to know request it. Our library and pretty much all others I know of want to offer what the public needs.  If they don't have it there's a hole in the collection.  Your request will help them fill it.

If you want to do it for fun and personal egg supply it's really pretty easy.  You don't have to have a huge space,  nor do you need a rooster. A person could raise a few chickens in their own backyard pretty easily.  Of course you should abide by your local guidelines regarding this... I will say that hens are pretty quiet for the most part though.  Some might even say "Covert". Kept in a fenced area that doesn't interfere with your neighbors I personally don't think there's any reason everyone shouldn't have the ability to raise a few chickens to keep their family in eggs.  That's just my two cents worth though. 

Friday, January 1, 2016

Happy New Year!

So it's the new year and I'm finally able to sit on the couch with my cup of Community Coffee ,  which I have to admit the commercials don't lie it's great (heavy cream and sugar don't hurt) bacon is in the oven,  sausage in a frying pan too, cooking alongside a pan of fried apples. Just put the biscuits in and Dennis is going to make gravy, which I have no shame in saying, I can make but he makes better.

We're having a New Years brunch.  We promised this to the hosts of our New Years Eve party last night, Tori and Gabs.  They had a bedroom party (see the pictures below) which consisted of chips,  dip, veggies,  Christmas candy, Gabs sharing her coveted can of popcorn and  a countdown to a YouTube video of the ball dropping around 8 pm, via the 2013 drop.

Tori is finally up. While the party only lasted around 40 minutes neither girl would go to sleep until after 11 and she,  albeit not Gabs because she was up at 8:30, is tired.  So here we are, waiting for the biscuits to brown.  Everyone in their respective little electronic caves or one just too grumpy to talk until she gets her blood sugar back up. Not too bad a start to 2016.

I won't say I have resolutions,because I think that may jinx me, but I have plans.  The usual. Get on budget,  get healthy,  get the house organized and clean,  get me organized. I also want to get in the habit of getting up earlier so I make sure I can write and maybe just maybe start doing some sort of exercise.  Right now my brain is all into this more because of the unusual decent weather than the fact that it's the first day of the year.  My vitamin D is up and so far the seasonal affective disorder doesn't seem too bad. One good side effect of global warming I guess.

So good morning 2016. I'm still a neurotic mess but I'm a mess with a plan!