The past months have been blowing by me, around me and carrying me along with them whether I agreed to it or not. I suppose they always have, it just seems like it's getting ever more evident that I need to either get on board with it or dig in my heels and finally call halt. But just what does doing that entail? Can't stop time after all lol!
Funny really, for all the plans you make it comes down to whether or not you truly mean them. What you're saying you wish for, is it truly in your heart or just your head? If you really want something that bad then wouldn't you do everything you could to try and get it? Time really is just a manner of checks and balances we often use to determine if we're getting to where we say we want to be.
I think sometimes you can go so long telling yourself that you want a certain thing that all the convincing can eventually leave you numb in a sense. You keep moving forward with a goal even though you've long forgotten what joy it was that you thought you would find in reaching it.
Maybe it's time I ought to take stock, what would I want if I were to sit and list my real joys in life? When I'm at my happiest and most myself is it ever anything more than the most simple and pure moments?
I relish quiet, laughter and hugs from my daughters, time with them, my husband, truth, sincerity, kindness, the freedom to not second guess or doubt love and a person's intentions. If I began to weed out all the soul sucking worries and idiotic thoughts that it's wrong to want a life that is so much simpler and so much more full all the same, if I took away the empty droning ways of the world, I can only imagine how much more my life would be in that sparseness.
I suppose in many ways the Shakers said it best. "Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free, to come back down where we ought to be. " I think maybe I'll try that for awhile. Simplicity. How crazy is it to think that you keep trying to fill a void with more and more stuff and distraction when what you've really wanted all along is less?
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