Back in college, around 1995, a professor and good friend Suzanne Zurinsky gave me a book that I loved at the time but truly didn't understand the importance of until now, 20 years later. The book is called, "The Artist's Way" and is by author Julia Cameron.
It's basically a program for reprogramming your brain to allow yourself to create. Essentially you wake each morning and write. First thing, no matter what, no matter if you think you have something to say or not you write. Ultimately you are creating the habit of creativity. Those pages are paired with other activities and lessons geared to help you get yourself on the path to your artistic self.
At 19, Lordy I can't help but think it was just a blink ago, I was all into it but at that age, when I had no responsibility and all the time in the world to devote to developing myself, I had no clue how important that was and how free I was at the time to do it.
Fast forward 20 years to being a wife, mom, employee, boss, to where finding the time to sit alone for 30 minutes to just write without interruption is a luxury not right. I now see the power that habit or lack of habit can have. I see how much habit and responsibility guide our, my actions.
Recently I read another book that, while not geared towards developing the artist in you, ultimately explained the same core idea behind what "The Artist's Way" is doing. "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. Essentially habit is the driving force behind almost everything we do in life. The reason for our not being able to stick with a diet, why we shop at a certain store, why we keep doing something despite knowing it's not good for us.
We have a trigger that instigates an action that helps us seek a desired reward. For example : I wake up early, trigger. I make coffee, action. I sit by myself with a warm cup and quiet time in my head, reward. If I could change my reaction to the trigger, say I wake, I exercise for 30 minutes, I am rewarded by being able to fit into my jeans. It's hard to change habits though. They are hardwired and despite the fact that we think we are guided by free will our bodies can get on autopilot. If I'm tired my body says, "hey, we already know the reward for making coffee and sitting quietly. It's much easier, just let me take this, forget the stupid exercise thing."
The same goes for creativity. We get in the habit of not creating of not finding time for ourselves to develop that part of us.
It's hard though to not let yourself slip into the easier autopilot way of life. It's even easier to just keep saying I don't have time despite the fact that you're not getting the desired reward. You have to force yourself to change your actions and stick with it until you can form a new habit.
That's what I'm doing with this. I'm making myself write everyday. I wake up, I still drink coffee but I also write and am rewarded with feeling more like me, more creative and thus I perpetuate "hopefully" the habit of being artistic and a bit more more sane.
Habits beget other habits. Good begets good just the same as bad begets bad. If I feel more centered and like I'm developing the parts of myself that are what I inherently feel is the true me then I will be happier and better all around. The trigger of feeling unfulfilled causes me to react with negativity which in turn is the trigger for others to react likewise. Habit is ultimately a bitch. Yeah I said that.
So I'm writing. I may not have anything to say every day but I will write. I'm forming the habit of being me, someone who knew as a child that she was born creative and who feels more whole creating and who somehow let the insanity of life, the rush and stress, strip that away. It's there all the same though. I just have to work back to it.
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